


It Just Happens

by CoffeePillow



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 17:39:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6018994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeePillow/pseuds/CoffeePillow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It happened, Doctor, while you were gone for all those years. I had nothing. I needed something to clear my head, too,” she tells him, eyes fierce. "I needed someone. I needed a life, Doctor. Give me that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Just Happens

**Author's Note:**

> I'm letting you all know that this was made wayyyyy before S8 and S9 premiered, and here's the original fic (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10241384/1/It-Just-Happens).  
> It was made in April 3rd, 2014. My friend Shu (@FrostWells on twitter) beta'd this, and fixed it for me. Go follow her, for real she is a SAINT.

_I don’t want to talk. Not now._  She repeats that like a mantra in her head.

Clara paces around her bedroom before taking a seat on her bed, clenching and unclenching her fists; a small quirk she does when she’s anxious. She’s been like that lately. Anxious.

She wants to go home, that’s all wanted. Was that too much to ask for? She wants to see her father, her gran and even aunt again. Yet, she is conflicted. The other half of her doesn't want to. Her head falls onto her pillow, with a soft _ploof._

She lets out a breath, trying to ease her rapid heartbeat. Closing her eyes, she hears the familiar wheezing sound of the TARDIS materializing in her room. She quickly smiles, but her heart quickens, the uneasy feeling rising in her gut. She's nervous again. She swiftly sat up causing the blood rushing up in her head, leaving her momentarily disorganized.

The soft knock on her door startled her even then she anticipated it. She cleared her voice multiple times, just to assure herself that she won’t sound raspy let alone nervous. The knock persisted and Clara hurriedly ran towards the door.

"Is that you, Doctor?" she asks over the door, her hand trembling. She tries to close her hand around the knob but she can’t. She just so scared and she doesn't even know _why._

"I'm here, Clara," she hears him say, his voice is so different and low. _So old._

With one last breath, Clara composes herself and tugs the door open. Without a warning, she is enveloped by a pair of strong arms, his face nuzzled in the crook of her neck. She could barely let in a gasp of air by how tight he was pressing her against his wiry frame. She is shocked, that’s for sure.

Her mind is full of questions for him but all she could do was return his embrace by wrapping her arms around his middle and hold him just as tight; reassurances for the both of them that they are indeed here with each other. That they are not merely a figment of their imaginations. Oh, what a cruel trick on them if it was.

She could happily spend the rest of her day being in his arms and she was sure the Doctor wouldn’t mind either. She breathed in his scent; something earthy, clean yet some other smell that was uniquely _the Doctor._  She ran her hands through his curly grey hair, eliciting a sigh of contentment from the man holding her. It was longer than she remembered.

She tried to free herself from his hold, but was met with the Doctor tightening his grasp on her.

"Hey, what's the matter?" She raises her head away from him. "Did something bad happen?"

She was met with silence as he presses himself what would seem impossibly closer.

"Doctor...” Clara wheezes. “You're scaring me. Please. What happened?"

"I...I saw something horrible,” he slowly began, his voice low, his hands rhythmically caressing her back. “I needed to clear my head, so I came to you."

His voice is gentle, making her relax. He pulls away slowly, and gives her a small smile.

"Sorry, I just..." he trails off, sitting on the couch. His hands are fidgeting, sometimes rubbing his neck and shoulders. A quirk similar to Clara and not a good quirk. This made Clara feel very uneasy.

It seemed the Doctor was lost in his thoughts, his eyes clouded with fear, sadness…anger. It was a look that she recognized, which made Clara all the more troubled. Not knowing how to comfort him, she decided to start on a different topic. Something that will hopefully rouse the man out of his…depressed state.

"It’s been a long time, hasn’t it, Doctor?” she began, trying to form the right words from her head. “It has been far too long, you know? I missed you, Doctor. I just turned 29 this year."

Not seeing a change of reaction from the man, Clara continued, updating the Doctor on the time he missed.

"I'm also getting married." The words fall from her mouth, all fast and rushed.

He snaps his head up and just stares at her, a look she can’t quite decipher. His mouth quirks up, but yet, he retains his frown. He puts his hands on face and hears her labored breathing.

"You're getting married?" he repeated, his stoic reaction turning into a look of regret. "I came far too late then."

He stands up, ready to leave. His hands are suddenly cold, clammy. The uneasiness in the pit of his stomach rising. He has the sudden urge to throw up.

"It happened, Doctor, while you were gone for all those years. I had nothing. I needed something to clear my head, too,” she tells him, eyes fierce. "I needed someone. I needed a life, Doctor. Give me that."

He walks over to her, his eyes reflecting how haunted he looked from the memories he retained.

"I watched you die, Clara! In front of me," his eyes watering, arms flailing about to make gestures. "You fell into my arms and I watched as you breathed your very last breath." He backs away from her, making sure she got the information. It seems like it had, her eyes wide, scared, mouth trembling.

"I was so close, Clara! _So_ close to saving you again! So close I-" he pauses as he put his hand over his mouth, muffling his cries. He then covers his face with his hands. He doesn't want her to see him like this, all broken. All vulnerable.

"I killed them, Clara," he sobbed. "I killed every single monster in that damn room, that horrible room where you died."

Her arms were suddenly wrapped around him. She, too, is shaking and pulls him to the ground with her.

"I'm right here, Doctor. I'm here." she soothes gently. His head falls between her neck and shoulder, and kisses her there. She then feels his lips moving up to her neck, her jawline, and he pulls away.

"I had to make sure you are real, Clara. I'm sorry," he's trembled but then scoots further away from her, just a bit.

"Doctor, you and I... why do we find each other in those most dire situations? Why do we have this conflict in our lives where we can't be together?" she asks, scooting closer to him. When he did not give her a response, she continued.

"Because every time," her voice soft, "every time I see you get hurt, or in trouble, whatever it is, I just wanted to be there, Doctor. I want to be with you.”  
Taking in a shuddered breath, Clara continued. “I was desperate, Doctor. The whole getting married thing, I needed to be loved. I just wished it was you." she finishes.

He stares at the vanilla carpet beneath him. She thought he wasn’t going to say anything back until he looked straight at her, his eyes red and tormented.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here at the right time. I told you 20 minutes, and I gave you years. I watched you fall apart in my arms. It's the like universe just... doesn't care." his breath shaky. "I love you, Clara." he tells her, looking up at her.

The Doctor… loves her? She always knew he cared for her and would always come to her when in trouble, but…the Doctor? In love with _her?_

"I love you so much," he repeated, his voice stronger, his jaw clenching. "You, Clara Oswald, make me feel better. All of those adventures, the many lives that you sacrificed to the point of having more lives to save mine. I love you."  
She looked at him, her hands covering her mouth, her body slightly jolting by the hiccups she couldn’t hide. Her eyes closed as she silently cried. All these years she spent loving him, he loves her back.

_But it was too late._

"You deserve better, Clara. You don't deserve me; a broken man. I'm not worthy to be your husband." he frowned and looks down at the carpet again.

She puts her hand on the side of his face, forcing him to look up at her again. He hesitantly raises his eyes to look her and finds her sadly smiling at him.

"I do deserve you. I deserve you, Doctor,” she stated, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. Cocking her head, she adds, "but not in this life."


End file.
